Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
