Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My balls are so social today.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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