If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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