The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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