She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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