Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
