last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
