You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
