he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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