We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
