oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
