I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
