just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
