I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
