I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
