Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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