I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
