i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
