i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I am mentally ready for anal.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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