Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
there is glitter all over my balls
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
