dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
