I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
