She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
