I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
