I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
