Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
