Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
