I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
