all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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