Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
