Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
