First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
