Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
