break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
