The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
