yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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