the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
