i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Randomize
