problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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