if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
