Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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