WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
