I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
