Texts From Last Night · sammiipoo's Favorites

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sammiipoo's Favorites Texts:

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(312): View more from Illinois

I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.

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(253): View more from Washington

He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.

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(623): View more from Arizona

He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.

(1-204): View more from Manitoba

Sounds like a good New Years

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