I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
