life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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