It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
