he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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