This dress was meant to end up on your floor
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
