Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
