Everything about him screamed your future.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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