u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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